Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
