id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
