upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
