you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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