Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
