I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
