when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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