How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
