I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
