you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
