FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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