Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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