So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
