so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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