I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
