my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
