I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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