coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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