i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
