I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
