I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
