hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
