This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
