My sheets look like a crime scene.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
