And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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