He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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