guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
