ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
