I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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