I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My ass is underappreciated
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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