OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
