Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
