don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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