I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
