walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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