Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
