So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
