pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
