I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
