Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
FUCK WHALES
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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