Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
