he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
