The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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