No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just blew my weed a kiss
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
