you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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