They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
