Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
