No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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