So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
your like the ambassador to my penis.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
