dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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