Don't make out with my wife yet
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
