the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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